When Love Becomes Desperation
by Kiara Lanier
Relationships are the norm for teenage girls. Society tells us that boyfriends are necessities and or accessories. We see it all the time, the problem now has become that young women are more desperate for boyfriends and willing to do anything to keep them. But what has created this crave for a relationship? It dates as far back as our childhoods. We were fed the mirages of fairy tales where the young beautiful women await their prince to save them from fire-breathing dragons, and break open the chained doors to their freedom. It always takes a man to save a woman, a man to create security, a man to create wholeness. But again, why? What do we draw and need from teenage boys that can neither be really committed into the husband-like man we want them to be, nor provide as much. I've come to find that the root of the desperation for a boyfriend comes from economy, lack in parenting, and insecurity.
I polled teenage girls from the age 12-18 about how much their parents work and if either one of their parents are single parents, incarcerated, divorced, how many years of education, if they struggle financially, were easy to talk to, have had more than one child, or were entrepreneurs. The results were a sad string of connection in lack of further education, and the longer the work hours equaling the less quality time spent with their children. Over 50% of the parents didn't graduate from college. This downward spiral is a product of the failing economy at its best. Since the start of the war in the Middle East over six years ago (when most of today's teenagers were about 6-12 years in age), taxes have increased to fund the war, gas prices have skyrocketed, and the price of food and living has risen. This makes it much harder for parents to raise and care for their children. Parents need more money, so they work longer hours, especially if neither or either of the parents did not graduate from college. This is all happening at the worst time, when young girls are trying to grow into the young women they are going to become and instead of parents being able to be more hands on, they have to work harder just to put food on the table and keep the gas on before they can have more stay-at-home time or talk time.
Fortunately (and I say this sarcastically), while parents are slaving to provide food and shelter for their children the faithful media babysits our young girls, nurturing them in the ways of womanhood, chemically, mentally, and artificially altering them to become women. By the television's definition this means having lighter skin, longer hair, a much larger chest, wearing skimpy clothes and falling in love into complete submission, and being completely mute in the world, a mannequin. But of course propaganda says it so sweetly the young girls gobble it up like penny candy, not even seeing the cavities rotting away at their security. Lose weight in just three days! Be a happier woman with implants! Studies say women go farther in the work place if you wear make up! And where are the mothers to correct this warped definition? They are working. Mothers too have been victimized by society's boxes conforming them to be eye candy in their entrepreneurial careers for people to even consider anything that they are talking about or the company they are representing. Media tells every individual person that they need to fit this quota, this one size, this one way of living, which makes no sense because everyone was created different for a reason. In the words of Lauryn Hill, "Everyone has their own standard, so why are we trying to be like everyone else. I am what I am." This is the message we need to be sending to our young women, telling them that they are naturally beautiful, and they don't need to depend on artificial things to complete them. A tug-a-war with media that pulls young women to see that even though their parents cannot always be there, due to our economy and fabulous president (thankfully, soon about to be out of office), they can still find their own stability in themselves, and not in another person. Not in a boy, who is, by the way, just as unstable himself in finding his identity in society as well.
So, the deconstruction as to why young women want the attention has been found. But now what's found in that once we get into relationships we tend to not only demand so much quality time and affection to make up for our lacking from our parents, we also get jealous. MTV aired an episode of True Life called "I'm Jealous," and it displayed two females who had serious jealousy problems. These young women were crying if their boyfriends didn't call them, some were stalking them going to the clubs to watch them, just being pitiful. What is the need for the jealousy? The negative energy is only affecting us, because the guys are just going about their business whether you like it or not. Why trip over a guy not calling if he was tired? Why put your mood in someone else's hands? Young ladies, we must decide for ourselves that we are of value, that we first must love ourselves enough to not put ourselves in compromising situations or rearrange our priorities to revolve around our relationships. We must learn to both walk on our own and as our own because no one can complete you. Television tells you that to be happy you must be wealthy enough to spend frivolously and blow money and waste it. Girls' role models have been the infamous Paris Hilton, the princess of spending money and taking part in other unlady-like qualities like promoting sex tapes.
But the point is, we all look to the media and see how we should look and act like, but our responsibility as women (young and old), is to first know within ourselves that we are complete, learn to be self-reliant financially, mentally, physically. We must use every talent of our being to create this change and re-warp the media's depiction with the truth in about a woman really is. Show the truth though our art, be activists, show the truth in our bodies being naturally beautiful, but more importantly, know we're beautiful ourselves, and be complete enough to live fabulously, with or without a boyfriend.