Cup Half Full

by Kristiana Colón

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I am seven
I am breathing
heavy through the slated black
inside my locker
I am still
for a moment before oxygen
turns to pencil shavings

I panic against the jagged
metal never meant to be
opened from the inside
Sneakers stick to the gloss
of my Illinois textbook and I
tangle with my stiff spring jacket

My second grade teacher
notices the frantic rattling
of lockers that stretch from room
106 to 108 and unhinges me

Why, she asks

I was sleepy, I lie

I just needed to be alone

On the school bus I dig
my finger into the rip
of the false green leather
pull sticky strings of stuffing
from the seat ahead

I pop the clasp of my training bra
stuff it in my backpack
pray my mother doesn't notice

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Mr. Stevens drones about chlorophyll

Rhododendron bloom under hot lamps

Colin and Joe throw pennies across the lab

Field goal!

they yell
when coins plunk down
my blouse

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yes babygirlharlot
yes hallwayshedevil
yes men wet their moustaches
sucking cracked lips after
her ten year old vixen frame

who taught you that backarch
who taught you that hipswing
who taught you that black bayou
blues song you're aching so sweet

where is your daddy child
where is your jump rope
where is your impish magic
when you need it to make you
dissolve into the cold brick
he's got you pressed against

yes precious swingsetslut
yes gimmesomesugar
yes chubbcheek smile and
sunrise cleavage call attention
from all those As
on her report card

but no matter
she wants to fuck anyway
she always wants to fuck

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In sixth grade
I'm too big
for my mother's bras

In seventh grade
I tremble delicate
when he slips a cold hand in

In eighth grade
he gets Maria pregnant
and I cry until high school

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My father's woman
watches me
when I hug him

My breasts flatten
against his djembe torso

My tank top props tits
against the sun

Nipples jewel through cotton
I dazzle and dare,
delight in twitching throats
twisted with thirst to taste
the traces of areola bleeding
cocoa through my blouse

They swell milkless
promise only my supple youth
to any willing to drink