The night it happened was the night she lost her innocence.
He grabbed my hair and pushed me against the wall. I didn’t know what was going on. He pulled up my dress, took off my white under garments, and threw them with his. He put his left hand on my side and used his right hand to insert his penis. I felt it and it hurt worse than the time momma beat me for the cleaning up the kitchen betta. It hurt like hell, but I couldn’t do nan. I was so scared too. It lasted about twenty minutes. His breathing was so heavy. As he would push me harda, I could feel ma salty tears seep into my mouth. When I sobbed he would only do it harder and scream, “stupid porch money, shut the fuck up!”
I tried to hold I the pain but it hurt so much. I slipped out with a sniffle and he just…he just…It was so fast I felt the sting along side my back. I could do nun but stare at the pale peach wall silently. When he was done, he pulled up his black trousers and said “Bitch clean up this shit right here, you here!?” I nodded silently, grabbed a moist towel, and wiped up the liquid that existed his penis. I fell to the ground. I sobbed all night till I finally dosed off. Never will I forge the shame I felt. What did I do for that white man to hurt me in such a way was something I couldn’t understand. Did I make him angry? I was thirteen the day that happened, while my father was dead and my mother was sleeping in her room with no idea what was going on down the hall in my room. I thought Mr. Frederick was a good man. Maybe he is, or maybe I’m the one who sinned.
